the only thing im scared of at this point is being stuck in my own head forever.

i dont think ill be writeing in this journal anymore.

for me, when seasons change i tend to feel the same way i did
the year before.. if that makes sence
like last fall i was very depressed.
and i find myself listening to the same music i did last fall and feeling the same ways
i remember how lonely i felt so clearly

i wish i had more good things to look back on you know?
like good times...
i wish i could learn to enjoy life and just be happy
i wish everyone could be happy
with out worrying about how anyone else feels
and without having to make them be happy.

id give anything to keep from thinking.

i remember when i wanted and believed that god would save me.
and i was so close to being pushed over the edge
i remember how it felt like someone was stepping on my chest
and i thought i found someone to give me a hand and pull me over
but he just lifted me up and pushed me back down.

why do i like you so much you adorable assfaceee???

sighhh
today coulda been THE DAY
but his stupid friend had to follow us on our "short cut"
damn him -__-

i think when we break up or whatever
it will be because eaither we get bored of eachother
or he gets tired of me being mean to him x_x

he is soooooocute
:]
he kissed my head today :]]]]
it was the cutest thing ever

about a week ago. annnd of course it wasnt easy
there just haaad to be some sort of drama.
my sister didnt tell my mom that her roomate has a baby
in my mind it was kinda stupid of her to move into a place with a baby, just because shes probably going to have to baby sit it and shit.
so yeah my mom got SUPppper pissed but they let her move in anyways
not that it was their choice.

but yeah, my sister has no internet so i cant really talk to her.
she has a phone but i dont want to waist her minutes.
i kinda miss her?

ohyeah annd some family friends are moving close by! im really excited
it will be like a place to run away to
so yeah thats good.

good stuff and bad stuff has been happening.
like the whole belle thing.
but oh  well life goes on
i need to learn to be more happy.

i feel like my heart is a brick.